The Oasis Review

  • March 8You and your families are invited to attend a presentation on March 19th at 6pm on how to plan financially for college.

  • March 8 March 31, 2019 is the last day that current 9th, and 10th grade students can apply for appointment by their state senators to the 2019-2021 term in the Nevada Youth Legislature (NYL).

  • March 8 March is Women's History Month and DOHS is leading the educational charge with our Annual Speaker's Series.

  • February 26Attention Seniors! Seats on the senior trip are still available! Purchase your ticket from the banker and take your receipt to 1107 to register!

  • February 1Advanced Theater is fundraising by selling Krispy Kreme glazed donuts every Friday for $1

The Abominable Fruit Cake

Back to Article
Back to Article

The Abominable Fruit Cake

Christian Manriquez, Writer

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






Fruitcake: The edible version of hell. Honestly, it’s cruel to gift someone something so atrocious.

Today, I decided to find out just why fruitcake has such a terrible reputation. In total, I took two bites. It was an experience that changed the way I viewed fruitcake forever.

Now, as someone who had previously never tried fruitcake, I truly had no idea how good I had it then. I now envy those who haven’t had to experience the feeling of biting into a stale raisin, cemented into a sickly sweet piece of dry ginger cake.

When I first bought the $9 cake, I didn’t see a problem with it. It’s gruesome appearance was hidden behind the murky plastic and large golden sticker on its front. I truly had no idea what I had signed myself up for. In fact, I had thought that, just maybe, everyone was overreacting about fruitcake being so bad.

I had never been so wrong about something.

When I unwrapped it from its prison, I realized this rather quickly. It’s entire appearance was vomit like; chunky, gross vomit. The cake itself was fairly malleable, as I had been able to mold it to different shapes with a fork. So, already not a good sign.

Then, came my next struggle: I couldn’t cut into the bread. Don’t get me wrong, I was able to squish, bend, and move it easily. However, when it came to actually cutting into the bread, it wouldn’t budge. Every square inch was pelted with raisins, cranberries, and other surprisingly rock hard fruits. When I finally managed to get anything onto my fork, I regretted everything.

The first bite was crunchy, presumably from the raisins, and felt like I had taken a bite of raw honey. My mouth was glued shut from the sickly sweet glaze, and it was hard to chew everything. My friends laughed as I struggled to force anything down.

The second bite was better at first, but then quickly climbed the ranks in atrocity. Every flavor that I had experienced in my first bite seemed to multiply. I hated it. This was also when I realized that the particular cake I had boughten contained ground up salted pork, which just seemed to make things worse.

Overall, trying fruitcake was an experience I would not wish upon my worst enemy. If you’re looking for an absolutely terrible time, then I 100% recommend trying it.

 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
About the Writer
Christian Manriquez, Writer

My name is Christian Manriquez and I am currently sophomore. I was raised in Long Beach, California, but moved to Las Vegas my freshman year. I consider...

Leave a Comment

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




Navigate Left
  • The Abominable Fruit Cake

    Opinions

    Free College Won’t Give Enough Knowledge

  • The Abominable Fruit Cake

    Opinions

    K-I-S-S-I-Think Not!

  • The Abominable Fruit Cake

    No Left Turns

    The Big Lie

  • The Abominable Fruit Cake

    Opinions

    The Time I ALMOST Got Sexually Harassed

  • The Abominable Fruit Cake

    Opinions

    Why the JOB Fair did not WORK

  • The Abominable Fruit Cake

    Chic n' Stylish

    The Flex of the Hype Beast

  • The Abominable Fruit Cake

    No Left Turns

    Know Groupthink? No Groupthink!

  • The Abominable Fruit Cake

    Opinions

    Team Apple or Samsung?

  • The Abominable Fruit Cake

    Chic n' Stylish

    Looking to Slay Hoco?

  • The Abominable Fruit Cake

    Opinions

    Teen Driving: Waiting for the Wheel

Navigate Right
The Student News Site of Desert Oasis High School
The Abominable Fruit Cake